ocean City to host the 14th annual Quiet Fest

THOSE 2 MILLION Phillies fans have gone home, the players have stopped dropping f-bombs, and the talking heads on television are through screaming at electoral maps.

There's a golden opportunity to shut up right now and the folks behind the world's only Quiet Festival this weekend in Ocean City want you take it.

"People have to keep it down," said Mark Soifer, the longtime publicist for Ocean City.

The Quiet Festival kicks off its 14th year Friday morning with a yawn, or actually a whole bunch of them. The Ocean City Downtown Yawn Alongers, a group Soifer describes as "talented-professionals," will yawn the tune of "Beautiful Dreamer" in front of city hall at 11 a.m.

Afterward, the maple pods Soifer has been collecting will be tossed above the yawners' heads, where they'll spin "dramatically to the ground like soundless, tiny helicopters."

Soifer, 76, has a deep and varied background in yawning and exhaustion. He was recently named the president of the National Association of Tired People (NAP), a group which has surprisingly gathered only about a dozen official members since he started it three years ago.

"I've been tired for about 40 years now," he said upon accepting his nomination. "I feel uniquely qualified to represent the millions of tired folks in this nation and the world."

Soifer is tired because he's spent the last 38 years coming up with various zany spectacles to get tourists and the media interested in Ocean City. More often than not, he's successful.

The Quiet Festival, Soifer said, is a way to relax after a hectic summer full of noise.

"It's more to emphasize the natural stuff," he said. "You can walk on the boardwalk, see the clouds, and do some seashell listening. We promote leaf-squeezing, paper airplane-making, pin-dropping, and pet-petting, too."

When the yawns subside Friday morning, NAP will hold a subdued rally where they'll softly rail against screaming on reality television and the volume level of coming attractions in movie theaters.

Soifer said they'll be signing up new members and chances are, you're qualified.

The action picks up a bit later with a nature walk and a luncheon at the Chatterbox, a notoriously raucous Ocean City restaurant that will try to downplay its reputation Friday afternoon.

"We do have a second dining room that's very quiet back there," said co-owner Aimee Repici.

After lunch, the festival will visit two local schools where Trash Buster, the city's recycling superhero, will serenade the children with his rendition of "Stand by Your Can."

"Besides the relaxing things, I want to promote recycling," Soifer said.

The kids will also be subjected to yo-yo tricks from a "quiet pirate." Groaning is not allowed.

At 11 a.m. Saturday, festival-goers can bring their wind chimes to the city's iconic Music Pier on the Boardwalk for a "quiet symphony."

In the afternoon, there will be storytellers, subdued bands, and an encore appearance from Trash Buster at a local senior center.

If there's an exception to the muffled tones this weekend, Soifer hopes it comes from cash registers.

"You can walk into any restaurant this time of year and get a table," Soifer said, perhaps a bit too loudly.

Soifer didn't plan anything for Sunday, probably because he's spent. When pressed for an answer, he suggested watching NFL football with the volume turned down.